I'm Sorry
by Anna Jamisen
Summary: Michelle thinks she can't be what Tony needs, but the truth is, she's all he needs. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Tony climbed the stairs of Michelle's apartment building. He hadn't talked to her in a few months - since she handed in her resignation at CTU. She didn't explain why she left, and he didn't ask. After the kiss they had shared, he thought she felt something - but apparently he was mistaken. Maybe he had scared her off. He wasn't sure why, but after her promotion she had seemed different. Distant. He had been caught up in the responsibilities of being the Director of CTU, and had been fairly preoccupied. They just hadn't talked about things. Then she left, leaving him a note on his desk on her last day.

'Tony,

I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed. Good luck.

Michelle'

He didn't understand what she meant, but hadn't pressed the matter. He brushed it off. 'There'll be plenty of time to talk about it later,' he reasoned. He hadn't tried to call her, he didn't ask her what was wrong. He had probably been a little insensitive, but it really didn't seem like that big a deal. He was spending all his time at work, and he thought Michelle understood.

Tony reached the door of her apartment. He knocked three times and took a deep breath.

Maybe she had expected him to take the initiative. After all, he had told her that he wasn't sorry. He told her that he meant it. And he had - every word. Maybe she thought he didn't feel the same way; maybe SHE didn't feel the same way. After a while he began to worry, and he tried to call.

"Just a minute!" a woman called through the door. Tony took a step back and leaned against the railing.

She hadn't answered her cell phone. He had left messages. 'Hey, Michelle, this is Tony Almedia at CTU. Look, I haven't been able to get ahold of you, and I just wondered how you were doing. Talk to you soon.' He had introduced himself formally, as was his custom. Maybe that had offended her. He had tracked down her home number - one of the perks of working at CTU - and started calling there. She still didn't respond. His perpetual exhaustion had made him a bit over sensitive, and he was beginning to feel terribly worried.

He looked up quickly as he heard the lock on the door click. Slowly, the door opened, revealing a smiling Michelle on the other side. "Hey baby, I was jus-" she paused, realizing who was there. Her eyes began to water, and she stood frozen in her tracks. "Tony," she whispered.

"Hey," he began, standing up and walking towards her. At noticing the confusion on her face, he tried to explain. "I've, uh, been trying to call, but..." He looked into her beautiful eyes. God, he had missed those eyes. "I needed to see you." he whispered.

Michelle sighed in frustration. "Look, Tony. You shut me out. You didn't call, we didn't talk, you..." she scoffed "You abandoned me. Excuse me if I'm not thrilled to see you." Tony felt as if she had just dropped his heart down the stairs and it shattered on the landing.

"Michelle... I'm sorry. You know what working at CTU is like..." he tried to explain, but she cut him off.

"Yeah, you sit at a desk, talking on the phone. It's just a shame you couldn't have just once dialed 3720 to my station to talk to me while I was there." Her tone was cynical, and it tore Tony apart. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You wanna know what? I cried myself to sleep for weeks, praying that you would come back to me. And then I moved on. I gave up, and I let you go."

"Michelle, I was confused, what was I suposed to do?" Tony burst out, a little louder than he meant to. "I never let you go. You left all on your own, and asked me not to ask why." Michelle's eyes filled with tears again. "I let you have your space. I honored your request. But not a day has gone by where I haven't wondered, 'What did I do wrong?' or 'Did she ever really care about me?'" She looked at the floor.

"I did." she stated in a hushed voice, nodding her head.

"Then why did you leave?" he asked her, reaching out and grabbing her hand. Her eyes were bleeding with sorrow, as she looked up at him.

"Tony, I'm seeing someone. We can't do this. It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me!" he growled angrily.

"Tony, please leave." she begged. "Please." Tony started to cry silently.

"Fine." he agreed. He turned around and headed for the top of the stairs, letting her hand go. "I loved you Michelle. I did." At that he headed down the stairs, not looking back. Michelle closed her eyes, a tear falling down her cheek. Slowly, she turned around, walked into her apartment, and closed the door.


	2. Chapter 2

It began raining outside, but Michelle didn't notice. She hadn't been paying attention to anything. Her date hadn't been entirely uneventful, but she really wasn't focused on Michael. She was thinking about Tony. She had never seen that look in his eyes. She curled up in a ball on the couch and cried.

She had been looking forward to seeing Tony non-professionally for once. She had been busy filling out reports and getting things back on track, so she hadn't really been too excited about getting a relationship started when CTU was on such rocky ground. Especially with the boss. She wasn't sure if that would change things, so she backed off. Maybe that had bothered Tony, but it didn't matter now anyway. She was working quite closely with him, filling two positions - her's and Tony's old job - so she guessed that he was just waiting until things were squared away and they would have some time off. But even after things were seemingly back to normal, he never made a move. She knew she could have, but she was the one who told him how she felt anyway. Maybe he was worried about getting hurt again. From the looks of things, he got hurt anyway.

Michelle got up and walked to the shower. Maybe that could clear her head.

That day was still vivid in her mind. It was a slow day at work, and she was checking over the reports that had been filed and finalized from the events on the day of the bomb - or as they had so eloquently named it - Death and detonation day, or Double-d-day. Michelle thought it was corny and a little disrespectful, but the name stuck. Soon she heard the phone ringing, so she answered as she normally had. "Dessler."

"Hey, it's me. I've gotta talk to you for a minute."

She headed up to his office with a skip in her step. He was finally going to ask her out.

She hopped into the shower. The water was warmer than she meant for it to be, but it didn't matter. Her mind was somewhere else.

A promotion. He had called her up there to tell her she had been promoted. Needless to say, she had been disappointed, but graciously accepted. The next few weeks were dull and unexciting. She avoided him at all costs, trying her hardest to delay the inevitable breakup speech he was sure to give her. 'Now that I'm CTU Director... I'm sorry Michelle... I didn't want this to happen..." She could hear the words in her head already. But still she had waited. Days would come and go, but he never said anything about "them". Finally, she decided to quit.

The hot water poured down her back, and it was almost impossible to determine the difference between the water and her tears. She had let him go, hadn't she? She scared him away.

She walked up the stairs to his office and handed him her resignation.  
"Look, Tony," she began. "I have my reasons for leaving, but please, don't ask. I don't really want to talk about it."

"Okay," he had agreed, barely showing any remorse for her leaving. She was heartbroken.

Michelle stepped out of the shower, and dried herself off. She walked into her bedroom, pulling out some clean pajamas and getting dressed before sitting on the bed and picking up the phone.

On her last day she left a note.

'Tony,

I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed. Good Luck.

Michelle'

She had almost written 'Love, Michelle' but had thought better of it. It would be too strange. He had been her boss, nothing more. She had fooled herself into believing that it was just a fantasy, and that she was nothing more to him than a loyal employee - expendable - just like everyone else.

Michelle dialed Tony's cell phone. He always had it on him, maybe he would answer.

Seeing the look on Tony's face when he came over, the tears in her eyes, had made her heart break all over again.

"Almedia." he answered. Michelle froze. What could she say? "Hello?" he asked, wondering if anyone was there.

She had loved him. She never told him, but she had loved him.

"Tony, it's Michelle. We need to talk."

A part of her still did.


	3. Chapter 3

Tony hung up his cell phone and put it on the nightstand next to the bed. What now? Michelle wanted to talk, but he wasn't sure of what to say. He hadn't hurt her intentionally, he hoped that she knew that. Perhaps the sheer stupidity he felt over getting fooled by Nina was enough to make him less than competent where women were concerned, but he was usually able to overcome his heartache so he could talk to someone about anything having to do with his emotions.

Emotions. He hated them. Sometimes he wondered why they existed, because the only one that he ever felt was hurt. 'God's punishing me.' he thought. Suddenly he felt a desperate need for confession.

The one time he felt anything but pain was on DDDay, when Michelle had kissed him desperatly that morning. 'Maybe she thought I was using her,' Tony thought, desperatly trying to come up with an explanation, more like an excuse, for their behavior over the last 6 months. They were acting like teenagers fighting because someone showed up a half an hour late to prom. It made him sick.

Tony stood and walked to the kitchen, where he began to empty the dishwasher. Maybe he could think about what he was going to say to her. What do you say to the woman whose heart you broke, so she broke yours in return?

He soon heard a knock on the door, and creeped over to it slowly, he looked through the peek-hole, knowing perfectly well who would be on the other side, but still wanting a minute to gather up his thoughts.

She said she had card about him. Did she really, or was that just a desperate act in an attempt to try and save his feelings? Either way it was no use, because the overwhelming anxiety that he felt as he opened the door overpowered any rational thought that could possibly have been taking place in his confused and frustrated mind.

"Michelle," he greeted.

"Tony," she replied.

"Come on in," he invited.

"Thanks." She walked through the door and immediately turned around to face him. He closed the door, and she quickly began. "Look, Tony, I'm sorry about what I said earlier, I am, but, I've just hurt so much. You don't understand how long I waited, and I kept coming up with excuses." She had prepared this in advance - he could tell.

"Michelle, we both made excuses. The truth is, that I didn't want to have to face the way I felt. I didn't want to have to deal with it. It wasn't that I didn't care, I was afraid."

"Of what?" she asked, a little annoyed that he had interrupted her speech.

"The fact that I was falling in love with you. And I did, Chelle - I fell hard." His eyes widened, and Michelle stood speechless. "Michelle, I'm in love with you. No matter what happened, nothing could make that go away."

"Tony, let me finish." He nodded his head and she continued. "I... I got tired of making up reasons why you didn't call, why we didn't talk, but the truth is..." she paused. "We're both to blame."

Tony nodded his head. They WERE both to blame. "What do we do about it?"


	4. Chapter 4

"What do we do about it?"

Michelle was dumbfounded. How could they do anything about it? She had left; she was seeing another man! She sighed, not sure of what to say.

"Tony, I've been seeing someone." Michelle was terrified of the reaction that she would receive, but he needed to know the truth of the situation.

Tony closed his eyes and exhaled sharply. What had he expected? That she would wait around for him? That she would surrender everything because he finally came back to her? She thought he would know better. He did know better.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you were expecting." she continued. "But..." She knew she'd probably end up regretting this...

"I'm willing to try again- as friends for now. If you would be."

Friends. She knew that every man dreaded hearing that word, and that every woman regretted saying it.

"I understand, Michelle. But I need to know, why did you come here?" he asked curiously. Michelle knew why she came, but began searching for an excuse. Of course, where's a good excuse when you need it?

"I... I don't know. I felt like you needed an explanation."

"Really?"

"No, not really." She hesitated for a moment, before whispering "I miss you."


	5. Chapter 5

"I miss you."

He missed her too. More than anything. Would she ever know how he felt about her? Would she ever care.

"I miss you." he agreed. "Look, Michelle... I AM sorry."

"I know." she replied. "I'm sorry too."

Tony sighed. "Look, I know it's late, but... do you want to do something?" Michelle was taken aback. Was it really going to be that simple? They poured their hearts out and then went to get some ice cream?

"Yeah." she mouthed, realization overcoming her. This was a second chance. This was what she was waiting for. She smiled. They would have to take it slow - but it would be worth it. He was worth it.

Tony felt it too. Deep down, he knew this would be more than a friendship. more than a relationship. Something about Michelle was different. She was a new person, but still the same Michelle. He smiled back at her - they had a silent understanding. But still in the back of his mind, he was crying.

"I love you Michelle. I'm sorry."

"I know." she replied. "So am I." On the way out the door, she stopped. Tony turned around and looked at her.

"Chelle, what is it?" he asked. She smiled brighter than she ever had before. She missed him calling her Chelle.

"Tony," she began. "I love you too."


End file.
